thanksgiving

I would just like to state, for the record, that I am not completely ungrateful or unreasonable. There are people much worse off than myself, and my position in this world could be much more difficult.

I have regular food and water. I have clothes and a house, so I'm not often too cold, too warm, too wet or too exposed. If I get real sick, I can get medical attention and some of it will actually be paid for. I have a car to drive and my parents are both still together and still alive.

These things make me more fortunate, I'm sure, than a big chunk of the people alive right now.

So when I whine about all the things that I don't have, it doesn't mean that I don't realize how many people could look at my life and say: dude, you don't know what real problems are.

So what if I'm out of work? So are lots of people. And lots of people don't have a high school and college education. And lots of people would answer the job ads which I see everyday and don't consider. And many of these people have children or family to take care of, basic food and rent and bills that go unpaid, while I'm only really worried about paying off credit card bills and saving my pride.

So what if I have no big talents or skills to guide me and distinguish me...most people don't. They make the most of what they do have, and in many cases it's less than what I was given. There are people who would kill to be able to do what I can do...whatever it is. I'm stressing about not being above average...there's plenty of people below me; that's why it's an average.

So what if I'm getting a little old? I'm under forty...still young enough to do something worthwhile. My health and strength is generally as good as it was ten years ago. There's people out there who are sad about turning fifty, sixty, seventy...I have no heart condition or chronic back problems or failing eyesight. A receding hairline and a bunch of grey hairs is no big deal.

So what if there's no passion and precious little tenderness in my marriage? Many people never find anyone. Some people can't and some people won't. I have a wife who cares about me, who will stay with me through bad times, who won't sleep around. Maybe I settled, and maybe I got lucky...the important thing is that I have someone; I don't have to be alone.

So what if nothing really seems fun or worth caring about anymore? Many people don't even have the luxury of worrying about whether they can enjoy life or not...they're too busy making ends meet, fulfilling debts and obligations, doing things because they need to be done. Fun is a bonus, not an expectation. I've had it in the past; that's more than many people can say.

So thanks. I understand.

But mine is the only life I've lived...and mine are the only standards I have. And my life doesn't seem to be working too well by my standards.