Election Year

A guy came to my door yesterday, handing out pamphlets for one of our local candidates and asking a few election-related questions. I actually talked to him, which is unusual for antisocial old me- but maybe my survey job is mellowing my attitude towards unexpected visitors.

I had to admit that I knew next to nothing about the local races (and by local, I mean all of Nevada). I'm relatively up-to-date on national issues, but I'm afraid I've never taken much of an interest in Vegas politics and Nevada concerns.

After more than a decade, I still feel like a temporary resident here. More than a tourist but less than a real citizen with roots and attachments. That feeling goes much deeper than just politics...

When I think about home, I think about my house and those that live in it. When I've been away from the area for a while, I do get a nice feeling upon returning...but would that be any different if I lived anywhere else?

I don't have any connection with my community. I know one of my neighbors well enough to exchange small talk, but I could pass any of the others on a busy street without recognizing them. A few of the gals at the supermarket recognize me when I buy groceries. I know my way around the city pretty well. That's about it.

I could disappear without causing a single ripple.

Qualify that: one ripple, affecting only my little household. Maybe a tiny ripple in one or two other places, but it would take a while before anybody outside this house even realized I was gone. A month or two before my parents began to worry; sad to say they may be used to extended silences from me on occasion. About a year, maybe more, before any of my siblings stared to wonder. There may be one, maybe two other people who'd notice...but again, my silence is familiar to them. It could be six months or a year before they noticed, and even then they'd probably just assume I was going through a more anti-social phase- it's certainly happened before.

When others keep getting the feeling that they're bugging you, eventually they'll stop. I don't keep in touch with co-workers when I leave a job, I don't keep up with the family aside from weekly/monthly calls to my parents, and I've neither made new friends nor maintained relationships with old friends.

For the most part. I have attempted to reconnect with a few old friends, but it just doesn't work. After I've replied to the initial emails of old friends who discovered me (in one way or another), they just don't reply back. After the fourth or fifth time I started to take it a little personally, like maybe they remembered what I was like and decided silence was better. There's probably a good explanation in each case, one that isn't quite so dismal and personal, but the examples do add up.

I don't want to wallow in self-pity, and I don't want to get too morbid. I don't even think that it's too unusual...those of you who have families and friends may find it hard to believe, but there are quite a few of us out there. People with few ties, solitary by choice or circumstance.

Oh well. We all have to live in the holes that we've dug, and keep driving in the ruts that we've plowed. If just one person cares about you, you're still doing better than many.

Hmm. So now instead of being sad for myself, I'm sad for everybody who doesn't have anyone at all to care about them. I can only guess how many of you there are, and my guess is: a lot. I feel like a person making just enough money to feed themselves, who is sad about all the people dying of starvation.

Kinda makes politics seem less important, huh? Whoever our next president/ governor/ senator may be, they will do nothing for the shitload of sad and lonely people out there...for whom a lifetime is mostly a cruel sentence.

Quick question- what kills more people in this country each year, terrorism or depression? Go ahead and include 2001...the answer will still be the same.

So where is the War on Depression?